As I sit down to write, I’m thinking of all the people I’ve heard who talk about not being able to afford counselling, and there are lots. Some people say it with a sad and depressed tone, while others would scream it out in pure frustration and anger at ‘the system’ which they believe is letting them down.
Do you identify with either of these, or maybe somewhere in between? It’s a very real and very hard situation to be in. You may have been to see your doctor (if you haven’t, that would be an important step to take). You may even have been referred for help through the NHS, but sadly the service is increasingly overloaded and the resources are limited. Believe me – the NHS is trying its best!
As an alternative to the NHS, there are low-cost counselling agencies that do tremendous work, but of course they can often only offer a place on a waiting list to start with. Private counsellors like me are also very busy, and it can be hard to find someone who is properly qualified who has availability. It’s vital, by the way, that any therapist you see is fully qualified, is registered with a counselling body whose code of practice they subscribe to, and who has regular supervision so that they can process their work.
So what can you do in the meantime? Firstly, I would suggest that if a counsellor or agency holds a waiting list that you accept a place on it. You should be contacted when a space becomes available. Bear in mind that the spaces which become available aren’t always at the most convenient times, so if you can be somewhat flexible that would really help. However I completely understand that people have to work to earn income or there may be childcare considerations, so flexibility isn’t always possible.
If you find yourself stuck, don’t despair. Here are a few tips to help you keep going:
- Try to get out if you are able. It’s good to feel you are part of society, good to get some exercise, and good to get some fresh air.
- Gather some photographs together, either your own or cut some out of magazine, of places or scenes which will lift your spirit. Even pictures of cute animals can bring a smile and give you a boost of dopamine, referred to as the ‘feel-good’ hormone.
- Make a list of activities you can do which will make you feel good.
- Have a contact list of friends to whom you can turn. I would suggest keeping your inner circle of people that you would confide in very small.
- Think about what you like to hear – either natural sounds or favourite music.
- Are there smells that you like – perfume, freshly-cut grass, or particular flowers, for example?
- There may be tastes which you like, though it will be important not to overeat or to overdo the alcohol. Too much of these can be counter-productive to what you’re trying to do.
- Have some things that you like to touch, like a pebble, teddy bear and so on. You might also like to have something to hand that you can cuddle, like a soft blanket.
- It’s good to engage all the senses. After all, they were given to us for a reason!
This list might seem simplistic at first. It’s referred to as the Emergency Tool Kit, and the point of it is to have something immediately to hand for the times when your emotions become so overwhelming that you lose the capacity to think straight.
Do try to see people if you can. I know that it’s easy to think that others won’t want to see you, but that isn’t true. There are helplines staffed by people who are there to have a chat with, and also a number of churches run coffee mornings or other drop-in centres. However they don’t know that you need help until you take that first (and probably the most difficult) step of reaching out. The people that you reach out to will be pleased that you did – and ultimately you will be too.