You don’t need me to tell you about all the obstacles we have to cope with in life. However, one of the biggest obstacles some people face is from within themselves. Self-sabotage is very common, but how often do we address this? After all, it can so easily hinder our progress and personal development.
Self-sabotage is a set of actions and thoughts which sit contrary to what we’d like to do, or where we’d like to be in life. Its origins can be found in self-doubt, negative thoughts about oneself, and even deep-seated fears. Here are a few signs to look out for:
- Procrastinating – putting off tasks, often until the very last minute.
- Negative self-talk – doubting your abilities, putting yourself down and being overly critical of yourself.
- Fear of failure – being so afraid to fail that you don’t even start things.
- Perfectionism – setting impossibly high standards that prevent you from getting started because you know that you won’t meet those standards.
- Fear of success – a strange one, you might think. But, you might ask yourself, what if I do achieve my goal – what then? What if success brings pressure to succeed again?
- Unhealthy coping mechanisms – these are often addictive behaviours to mask emotional discomfort.
- Impostor syndrome – the belief that any success is just a stroke of luck and nothing to do with your own personal skill or endeavour, thus exposing you as a fraud.
So how can we engage in positive personal growth instead? Try some of these:
- Being aware. Recognise what you are doing, and be honest with yourself. It’s also important to tell yourself that you deserve success as much as the next person.
- Replace negative thoughts. Make a note of what the negative thoughts are, and write a positive alternative against each one.
- Set achievable goals. Any big project in the world of business will be broken down into smaller steps. The same will work in your life.
- Embrace failure. When something doesn’t work, you’ve just learned something, so take that on as positive input.
- Healthy coping mechanisms. These can include being in nature, meditation and mindfulness, which are crucial to be able to calm your nervous system.
- Visualisation. It helps if you can picture success. This can boost your confidence and your motivation.
- Seek positive people. These are the ones who care about you enough to tell you the truth in a balanced way, not a destructive way.
- Be accountable. Again, choose people who care about you, share your goals with them, and keep them updated on your progress.
- Self-compassion. You will probably be encouraging and kind to other people. Make sure that you do this to yourself, too.
If anything is striking a chord with you, please do get in touch. Talking is the best way to a greater sense of awareness of the issues.