There’s no doubt that communication is THE key element of a good relationship.
When there is a breakdown in communication, or even if it barely exists at all, it can have very negative consequences, and ultimately lead to the breakdown of the relationship itself. Here are a few of the most common outcomes of poor communication in relationship:
Firstly, one of the most common results of poor communication is misunderstanding. It is so easy to misinterpret what you believe the other person has said. This, naturally, will lead to confusion, unnecessary tension and arguments.
Poor communication can also lead to feelings of resentment between two people. If one person feels like they are not being heard or understood, it’s likely that he or she will start to feel frustrated, and resentful of the fact that the other person doesn’t seem to be listening. This is especially the case when the couple are trying to talk about something that is important. Don’t forget that listening is a vital part of communication.
I’ve already mentioned frustration, tension and arguments. If not worked through, these will inevitably lead to conflict. It is so easy for two people to become entrenched in their point of view that it becomes at least competitive, if not combative. The more entrenched a couple becomes, the more difficult it will be to objectively work through the issues.
By now you will probably have noticed the downward slope from a simple misunderstanding to all-out conflict. I’m afraid it could get worse! Conflict leads on to a lack of intimacy, both in terms of physical closeness and also emotional connection. This in turn makes a couple feel distant from one another.
If two people feel distant from one another because the communication is poor or non-existent, and because there is no sense of closeness between them, it can lead finally to the breakdown of the relationship itself. People get to this point because they feel unable to be themselves in the relationship, or they don’t feel valued within it.
So, what are positive ways in which people can communicate with each other?
When you are speaking, be respectful of the other person as you would want them to be respectful of you. Be clear and concise in what you are saying, and try to use a gentle ‘start-up’ bid for attention.
It’s better to use ‘I’ statements rather than ‘you’ statements. So, rather than ‘you upset me’, try ‘I felt upset when that happened’. This encourages your partner to listen without becoming defensive. This also avoids the possibility of blame, which can lead to conflict.
As I said before, good communication involves listening – active listening. Don’t interrupt, jump to conclusions or focus on your own point of view. Instead, try to understand the other person’s perspective, and empathise with their feelings.
Above all, take responsibility for playing your part in repairing any damage and restoring the quality of relationship. If you made a mistake, say sorry. It might also be good to take a break for a few moments to calm down. If you do this, make sure you return to the discussion in hand.
Here are the titles of three books which you might be interested in if you want to improve the communication in your relationship:
- Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love by Dr. Sue Johnson.
- Getting The Love You Want by Harville Hendrix
- The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts by Gary Chapman.